to be self motivated.

I've always wanted to be successful- I've always been competitive. Even when I didn't want to work hard- I hated knowing that there were others doing better than I was. I say all this to say that my passion to do well has always inspired me to work- but never to work hard enough.

I've gotten at this crux in my life when everything is not just for games. High school- a game. Undergrad- a bit more serious but still a game. My masters? checkers. But now here I am in law school. This is it. Every move I make here is important. Every hour in my life just decides what 1,000 hours of my future looks like. I have to realize that until I take to heart the seriousness of what I'm doing here that I will fail. Yes, fail.

I've been fortunate. I've been so ridiculously fortunate that at times I realize that I have forgotten that I can't coast forever. Now my friends will tell you that my version of coasting is different from everybody else's but you know what? If i'm not at my best- I'm at my worst. Now that another birthday has rolled around and I'm creeping closer to 25- I have to remember what I want to do in life. The impact that I want to make. I don't just want to be rich or wealthy. I don't want to be famous. I want to make a change in this world. I sat around and studied my behind off for the LSAT so that I could start making steps towards where I belong. My law mentor very smartly told me that every time I want to take a breath or feel like I can't go on- I should remember why I'm in law school. Why I worked hard to get here. That statement has been such a push for me that I wrote it down on the top of every page of my journal but today I heard something that made me realize that as much as I want to live, eat, and dream those words- I'm just not there yet.

"until you want to be successful as much as you want to breathe- you will never be successful"

bam. I want it. I want it bad. But do I want it as much as I want to breathe? In the video, Sean talks about how when you have an asthma attack the only thing you think of is being able to breathe again (having had multiple attacks- he's certainly right)... Sean argues- that's how you should be with your success. When you are on your path the only thing you should be thinking about is what you're doing. Not partying, not romance, not tv... what is ahead of you. I'm not sure that I'm 100% convinced that you have to forego everything to eventually have it all I do remain in scheme with the thought. If I want to make a difference- I have to focus a lot more on what I'm doing now. On how important what I want to do is... how it's not just for me.

Looks like I've found a new project for me and God....