Dry as the Desert...

Still no post. I'm going to try it tomorrow as I just finished my midterm two hours ago and I've been trying to figure out what to wear since I don't like my halloween costume. So I'm now in between a girl scout/mad men/ and susie from the rugrats. Susie is winning :) Anyhoo I found this funny and thought I'd share- Happy Halloween Folks!

Been a long time- shouldn't of left you...

It's been a WEEK since I've blogged last I feel kinda weird like I have untapped stores energy and emotions. Blame it on midterms- I've been swamped with exams, projects and PAPERS for the past two weeks so it's been rough. I promise I'll have a blog either tomorrow or saturday about interracial dating (which of COURSE I'm a fan of- otherwise I wouldn't exist!), til then I'll give you a cartoon that is pretty much a sneak peak into my current dating situation.

Title courtesy of Aaliyah "Try Again"

Double Donderdag*...

* Donderdag is Thursday in Afrikaans.

So I don't usually do doubles but since I've been awake til past 5 for the past 4 nights I figure I should write about what's been on my mind. I don't regret being single- sometimes I think that it's allowed me time to hankerdown and focus on me and figure out what I want and need from my future relationship(s). It allows me to work on being the best girlfriend that I can be because how do I love Little Mister Sunshine for who he is whilst I'm still trying to figure out who Little Miss Sunshine is? That being said, there are still some perks I miss...

* Forehead Kiss: Nothing says I love/like you like a forehead kiss. No matter how badly my day was going one of those always made me feel like all was going to be right in the world.

* Couples Vacays: The sun, the beach walks, the adventure and exploring, the kissing in the moonlight, the vacay she-bangbang...

* The Television Lap-Head Convo: Watching tv or even (sigh) a football game with your head rested comfortably in his lap is just... sigh almost makes me feel sensitive or something.

* Lame Dates: Even when the introductory magic is gone it's nice to have those lame cheesy dates that remind you of when he was still in the "impress her mode."

* Late Night Phone Calls: Gotta love that "you hang up" "no you hang up" "Okay we'll both hang up on the count of three..1.2.3." "wait are you still there?" "yeah I am..."

* Spooning: I used to hate cuddling but I will admit that there's something special about laying across a man's chest and hearing his heart beat or my favorite **gasp** snuggling up behind your man with your head in that little crook in his back and inhaling his cologne... (mini swoon)

*Forking: Well as we all know spooning leads to forking! Nothing like a good ole regular forking session.

Last but certainly not least...

Just being with that special someone! I really kinda miss having someone to talk to about any and everything. Someone who knew when I was freaking out even I was trying to hide it. Someone who I couldn't wait to find out about the minute details of their day... Someone I enjoyed making smile.

Okay okay- enough of the mushy gushy. Back to the real worlds with ya!

We Want Pre-Nup?

So before I start this blog (and even the intro to the blog) let em introduce Terence. A now acquaintance but former errr **bang buddy** for over three years, he was someone who made me want to tear my hair out, kick and scream, and possible bust the windows out of his car (if he had one) for the way that things went down b/n the two of us.. It was years full of lies, manipulation, general fuckery (on both sides) but alas- it's time to grow up in both age in maturity. ..

So anyhoo- he texted me the other day and after I decided to stop being rude to the loaded harmless questions he was asking, I decided to lay down exactly what it was that I would be an acceptable list of rules for us to continue with our burgeoning friendship. For me, establishing a baseline that was necessary for us to carry on kinda sparked a thought or two... can we draw up these same type of rules and regulations for successful relationships?

For instance, I jokingly made up a contract for sex buddies that I was saying I was going to ask everyone to sign.. a confidentiality and guideline for hook-ups that ensured the success of all parties involved. If I were to have a dating contract what would I include? I'll pick out five for right now because I don't think I could actually ever create one...

a) Check-Ins to discuss whether or not the relationship is useful to us (no clue how often)

b) A bare minimum of weekly swexy times...

c) No bitchassness... (if I don't call you every day please don't look at me like I'm suspect)

d) A date a week (we don't have to go anywhere but def some "just us time")

e) ... I've ran out of things. lol. I'll work on it.

What would you put on yours?

Title courtesy of Kanye West and Jamie Foxx's "Gold Digger"

Double Up On The Java

The only thing I hate worse than thinking about things when I'm awake...

Is being unable to sleep because these somethings/someones are implanted in your subconscious and it's FIVE THIRTY-NINE IN THE MORNING.... eff people and their trying to come back from the land of the dead!

Best I Ever Had?

I haven't had a long list of partners- in fact I don't even need a pair of hands to count them on but I don't think that means I'm inexperienced. I guess that really comes down to whether your consider quantity over quality or even your definition of 'quantity' (partners? amount of times doing the do?)...

This being said I can easily identify the all-stars and the one that needs to be benched for the rest of the season (i.e. LIFE). One of my guy friends protested my ability to make a ranking system of guys, some mumbo jumbo about being ethical and being the best "for the moment" - bah. But I think it's pretty universal that you can know whether or not a partner deserves a standing ovation or a razzie award. Now I can't say for sure that I can put an a-z ranking order on guys but I can tell you the valedictorian and the college drop out. And for guys who think this is unfair (I'm not going to say it's because you've been ranked at the bottom of the totem pole...) just think about what it means for your success. If Katie and Keesha hadn't heard about your skills from the streets do you still think you'd be getting those "thronx me tonight" text messages and honesty box posts? No. They know because somebody told them that you were good at what you do. On a biological note rankings exist for the same reason stereotypes do- your brain just can't take the information overload. So you brain categorizes to simplify and make life easier for yourself for future reference. Think about it, if you weren't able to mentally assign some score to your sexual partner would u know whether or not to have sex with them again? once again- nope. You should be thankful for that.

So if I need to call Tio for that spine re-aligning BBO or Kingston for his tear producing tongue skills than so be it- don't blame me, blame my evolutionary mental faculties.

My friend and the psychic...

So I was talking to my friend Aubs over the weekend about how I like being single right now. It suits my lifestyle, selfishness, and time schedule. I just could really use a body in bed sometimes- not like that. I will admit to enjoying a good cuddle every 6 months or so. Anyhoo- she suggested that what I needed was in fact was to find the right guy who I'd wanna take from part-time to full time position.

ummm si se dices pero....

I like being single! Why is it that people find it so hard to believe a woman wants to be single? I don't wanna call it a double standard but sometimes psychology beats biology my friends!

---------------------------------------------------------

In totally partially related news Aubs and I went to do some fooling around with a psychic the other day (what can I say we were traveling through Georgetown and she was doing readings for $5) and she zeroed in on my love life (personally i'd rather talk about my finances - or lack of) saying that my next boyfriend was already in my life and I was just ignoring it (okay lady thanks for the specifics). As soon as I thought that she gave them to me and said that I was so busy giving all the reasons that it wouldn't work that I ignored the reasons why it could. That could be interesting IF I wasn't fine being me, myself, and I right now.

Maybe I'll see her the next time I get finnicky and want a boo- I'll let her point him out.

Squad Up!!

If I never say anything else about my guy friends let me just note...

Every girl needs a good guy friend (or an A-team as I call J, Dre, and Chris) who just tells it to her straight no sugar coating. And every guy needs a good girl to tell him when he's just being someone ruled by his lower half. I appreciate my team because I can take any and everything to them and get exactly what it is that I need to hear and not just what I want (not saying my girls do this but guys tend lack errr tact). So today I send a message out to my team (cuz I know you three read it) and say thanks for being you. Even during the times when I wanna...

Let the Spirt(s) move ya...

Pussy's only Pussy and I get when I need it...

Yeah I know Drake said it about women but I'm going to say it about men. For the most part I will admit to treating men like dick (or tongue rather) and not like human beings. I go back and forth more than a windshield wiper in a storm. I like him today, I don't like him tomorrow... I think my bff and I use to call it Man-ADD back in college. I just CANNOT focus these days- my mind has a short memory span and those closest to it get the attention.

For the most part I've always treated guys as temporary objects to fulfill a certain need (food, orgasm, company, etc), and most of my friends would say I probably still do but what's the issue with that? I mean I get that there will be a long term issue that will arrive when I decide to settle down and all of the "good men" that I've used and tossed away like an old hankie don't wanna be bothered or are already married (at the rate my classmates are moving-sheeesh)but until then- what's the harm? Why can't guys be like buses?

Anyhoo I digress as this post was about ME. I think that the biggest issue I have when it comes to love is a) Hard Shell b)Man-ADD c) "pseudo" only child syndrome.

So from the top... My first significant relationship involved a guy I fell head over heels for and it worked until he went to college and well- distance didn't make his heart grow fonder. So to get through the pain of being hurt by him I just decided that I was gonna become a hard shell and just use guys when necessary and move on. So now that I've grown up and began these so called adult relationships a big part of me just doesn't believe that I can give my heart to a guy and not have it jumped on. So I don't even really try anymore.

The progression of my hard shell kinda made me look at guys differently and now I can't really focus. I'll like this guy for a week or two (maybe even a month if he gets lucky) but then I'm just kinda looking for something else or someone else does something that catches my eye. It makes me feel kind of bad cuz there are some genuine guys who deserve a longer look but I just can't do it. I find something wrong about the guy and I harp on it til I've gotta find someone new. I'm working on it- k?

Finally- I'm not an only child. In fact I'm the oldest of 4. But I'm at least four years older from my next sibling and as kids he'd rather play with my sister (who is 2 years younger than him) so I spent a lot of time alone as a child. In plain letters: I like being alone. I don't like cuddling (ok ok with some guys), and I really don't like sleeping with other people. In fact for the longest time (up until about 6 months ago in fact) I believed that my perfect marriage involved separate bedrooms or at least the 1950's "let's push the beds together to bang" situation. I thought my weekend boyfriend was a genius idea because it allowed me to be with someone and then take my space when it was over and gear up before our next rendez-vous. As much as I'd like to think that as I grow and errr mature that'll change I'm thinking nah.

Why you ask?

Cuz dick is only dick and I get it when I need it.

Dream a little dream for me..

My friends will tell you about the early morning texts/BBMs/IMs they get from me about my latest dreams. Now I might check my horoscope at the end of the day, and I've done the tarot thing once or twice (or so), but I do believe in dreams. I mean how hard is it to believe that your mind deals with things that your conscience won't deal with in the day? Anyhoo I digress...

So I when I first started to have some inkling of feelings for my friend I would have these cutesy little dreams of us hanging out and kissing which amplified the thoughts I was struggling with in the day time. I realized perhaps it was real- I liked him for real for real and my head was confirming the fact.

Then as the time went forward and I tried to get my friend out of my head (and OH how I tried) my dreams just upped the ante with these UBER emotional dreams of cuddling, and dancing at a wedding (we were attendees not bride and groom)... and I woke up really happy til the reality of life slapped me in the face.

Finally I picked up the resolve to realize that our friendship was greater than any interest I might of had/have. Many thanks to a good friend who helped me see that I'm just too finicky (or as another great friend put it 'coquettish') to attempt to pursue a relationship that could turn out long-term- because I'm just not a long-term gal. Truth be told I never saw us in my dreams as long term. It all kinda just faded out after law school.

I think it's because I'm really just not long-term right now. I'm in companionship 101 mode and being selfish and as a good friend to him I know that's not what he needs and for me to even say something like that would be rude, inconsiderate, and down right not friend like. So I spent the last week spacing myself from him in order to get my mind right and do what was good for him and us and not just me.

So I had my first dream about him yesterday during my nap and it was a sex dream! I jumped up and down cuz it was amazing (the dream was good too hehee) because I think I've decided that I was just looking for someone to cuddle, kiss, and spend time with and I just kinda blurred the roles with him because he fulfilled some (if not all) of the requirements here and there.

It's interesting to me the way dreams can pull out realizations.

I just call em as I see em...

My bff Andre just called me coquettish... for once i"m not offended because I think he might be right. More on that tomorrow... today is light-hearted.

The Audacity

"I should crack you right in your forehead...

Let me take a breath and regain my composure

Told you one more time if you f'd up it's over"

- "It's a Wrap" Mariah Carey

Now I'm not saying it's a trend or anything but if you let the male members of our species get away with something - they will continue to do it. Give em an inch and they will run a mile like Usain Bolt. I don't mean to stereotype because there are some very reputable young men working hard to clean the path that their fellow brethren have sullied- those just never seem to find their way into my dating history.

Last night I received a 3 part text message concerning the revelations of an ex(mumble*mumble) who realized that he had been treating me wrong for x amount of years and I'm a good person, smart, beautiful yada yada yada. That having seen me recently reminded himself of where he went wrong in the past and could we please find some time to hang out and talk.

** insert blank stare here**

I don't even know how to go about responding to this. At this point nearly 24 hours later I haven't still. Like what the hell? You think you can play the disappearing act- check in once in a while an think that suddenly because you've had an epiphany that I'm suppose to thank my lucky stars that you've decided I'm good for dating right now. GTFOH.

To make things worse guys like to act like this world isn't small enough already- just like how you've figured out when I start dating so that you can make your "check up text messages," I know about your failed attempts to get at her, her, and yes I even know about her. So please hunny save the second best- i choose you speech for somebody who has never met you before. And spread the word- women are on to you and your kind.