eeny meeny miny ho...

pretty sure the lack of this explains why I can't sleep before 6am.

Re*al*i*za*tion: the instance or result of realizing.

I have a habit of giving great advice. I'm logical with a spoonful of emotion and I love to take things from all sides when making my decisions and thus giving my fantastic advice. I also have a habit of not listening to this exact same instinct that guides that advice. Ignore the little voice screaming warnings and the tap on my shoulder for Little Miss You Should Know Better (madre to Little Miss Ut-Oh).

Unfortunately I've done it again. I've ignored the glaring obvious and tried to pin my thoughts on our little friend Hope. I knew the truth (well I guess it's what I expect is the truth) and I sat around and convinced myself that he was shy or that something about me/us is just difficult for him to deal with (not that I ever make things easy)... today I told 2 of my best friends that I've come to the decision to just drop it because I keep thinking about it. And of course that's what I go to bed thinking of. So I wake up in a rush this morning having had this horrible dream in which I woke up with the sudden realization that I wasn't doing anything more than spoon feeding myself a wish.

I kept thinking that perhaps as his age grew so did some semblance of maturity but then I realized the advice I'd give anybody else.... he showed who he was back then and as Coolio once said- "ain't a damn thing changed but only the year."

Story of my (dating) life...

you know just in case you were curious.

The world is coming to an end...

Make it stop.

Lost...

"... Sure that would occur in a normal world, but our

relationship occurs in wonderland and I'm Alice.

It's ass backwards..."

Walk the line...

The perfect "summing up my life right now quote":

i'm just taking this period to contemplate people

worth saving and people worth dumping and i'm having a

hard time figure out where he stands.

Title Courtesy of Johnny Cash "Walk The Line"

And Everybody Says Girl Why Can't You Just Leave It Alone...

Forget sex, I invented hiding emotions. I have a box down in the pit of my stomach that I keep under lock and key. when it's no longer convenient for me to care about someone or something I take the feelings and bury them in this box never to see the light of day again. It has a downside- I can be a bit uncaring and rude but it's all in an effort to make sure I don't lose sight of my key. But then there are those trying time in life when I realize that I'm not the best keeper of keys (just ask how many Duke IDs I had in undergrad...) and perhaps I've given a few or lost a few and others have picked them up....

enough of the metaphors though.

I like to get rid of those things that make me awkward and often irritated- namely feelings. So it's an absolute horror story when I notice out of the blue that my little box of hidden emotions has been leaking and I'm starting to feel those things I put deep within. Now I'm at the point where i'm second guessing every decision I'm making and needing confirmation that I'm heading down the right pathway because pathos is not logos, and it's the emotions that get me in trouble. I've been trying to ignore the signs that he's sending, trying to clean up the signs that I'm sending and in the process driving myself a bit up the wall. I guess if I were to learn a lesson from this it would be that you have to deal with your feelings in an emotionally mature way and not hide them because the truth will come to light but...

when have I ever listened to myself?

Title Courtesy of Ne-Yo's "Let Go"

Written in the Cosmos?

During my search for wisdom in the universe I came upon this little gem:

The passion of the Sun in Scorpio deepens when Venus enters this sign starting on November 7. Feelings deepen and relationships grow more complex with the love planet in enticing Scorpio. Desires grow stronger, but jealousy and enmity can stir feelings of revenge. Clearly, getting even is no way to get ahead, because the wounds of romantic disappointment are only healed with more love.

I couldn't make this up if I wanted to. The Universe is watching.

Le.Friggin.Sigh.

Sometimes when I fall asleep at night I imagine us cuddled up under the abundance of the down cover. Your shirtless back pressed up against my chest. My head nestled in that little crook right below your neck. The smell of your cologne escaping through your skin and your ribcage moving up and down to a silent rhythm. For this moment all is right in the world.

It's nights when I begin falling asleep thinking of this that I grab my pillow tight and just realize how wrong things are...

No tricks just treats!

Hope everybody had a fabulous halloween...

I realized today that while my blog's main purpose was to make my snide and sarcastic remarks about the general state of relationships and dating I don't actually share any of the dating I do. Mostly because I don't do it lol. But I think things are starting to pick up a bit after meeting Mr. D (not that kinda d!) and the re-introduction of Terence.

So I'll give you a teaser as we plunge into this the next few weeks:

Mr. D. Met him tonight (yes tonight lol) at the club. I don't normally give my numbers to guys I meet at the club and by don't normally I mean never unless you throw the party and I need the hookup. He however was very polite, VERY cute, and from outward appearances seemed to have his sh!t together. And he was dressed like Carlton- who doesn't love Carlton? So he sends me a text after the club to let him know that I've gotten home safely. And when I let him know? He quickly hit me back to say that he wants to take me out this week wherever I wanna go. Ladies and Gents- I think we have a pledge :)

Finally Terence, won't go into too much because I think I addressed it in a previous post. But lately he's been pouring (more like soaking me) on the hints about how he's interested in being a pledge (in my dating sorority of course!). In addition to the other day, he makes little comments that warrant a different kinda pause and actually make me feel uncomfortable. I know that he's a sensitive soul, he just hasn't really been the most sensitive with me, so when does the sensitive thing it gives me goose bumps. Anyhoo we've been having a lot of long conversations about life and how things have changed and we're making plans to do dinner next weekend so erum- this will just be something to see. I know a lot of my friends are either very excited to see what happens or hoping that I'll gather the strength to push him into the Atlantic.

So those are the two I'll try to keep yal updated on every once in a while...