Just the little things....

It's been a rough weekend.

I've had to dole out condolences to buddy J-Full, my own mother is in the hospital, and I'm working through a 48 hour exam.

It's times like this that I see the purpose behind having a boyfriend to just kiss my forehead.

6 til forever

no... not a subway sandwich. But a celebration of my ability to face what was right in front of me instead of trying to read between the lines. Finally letting Terence go and breaking off all contact feels amazing and although it's only been five days- you'd be surprised at how proud most people are of me. Here's to day 6- forever.

Down a Rabbit Hole We Go!

One of my favorite scenes in Alice and Wonderland is when she finds herself lost and she starts to sing a little song. I was fascinated when I first heard the song and now I have to remind myself how much it's true:

I give myself very good advice,
But I very seldom follow it,
That explains the trouble that I'm always in,
Be patient, is very good advice,
But the waiting makes me curious....

I give great advice if I may say so myself. I think I draw on inspiration from what my guy friends, relatives, girl friends have said and just manage to streamline it to my friends. And coincidently to myself. Today I realized what I've been telling other people about my own frelationship*... if he wants to make it work he'll put in the work. Now that might sound kinda harsh but it's true all across the board... if a guy wants something he'll go to work for it and well- if he wants me he'll go to work and we'll deal with the situation when we cross that bridge. If he doesn't than he doesn't. I have Project GDub, Operation Grey's Anatomy, and Mission Healthcare to work on. And oh let's not forget what a bunch of southern cuties filling up Capitol Hill means. It's an all out battle and I'm ready for war.

*frelationship is that situation you have with a dude where you aren't really friend but you aren't in a relationship. It may or may not include sex. this one does not include sex.

Dear John,

i abhor you.

me.

self explanatory..

I get so weak...

I hate how when my little blackberry starts flashing the red light I can't help but hope, if only for a second, to see a message from you.

I hate even more the feeling I get when it's not.

The I's have it...

and apparently the cosmic energy as well.

My latest horoscope:

Communicator Mercury focuses your attention on your 5th House of Self-Expression. You might feel as if you have been waiting for the right moment to share something very dear to your heart with someone special. Now, after careful deliberation you may be ready to show your cards, especially if the risk seems minimal. You won't have a shot at success by keeping secrets now, so you might as well give honest disclosure the chance it deserves.

you don't say schmitty, you don't say.

The Good, The Bad, and the Rando

I'm going through the random and I don't have any relationship type thoughts but I do have a few others....

a) People find any excuse to just be rude and I'm sorry but if you have to put others down with such asinine terms as "haters" and "wannabes" to bring yourself up- you need to look at yourself. Did you ever for a second figure people were complaining because you're annoying? Nope. Why? People never think to look in the mirror first. That's all I'll say at that.

b) My mentors remind me daily of why I do what I do. Why it's important to work your ass off, volunteer, and make time for you friends and love ones. They remain shining examples of what having most of it (since you can never have it all) looks like.

c) On a related note I thank 3/4 of my mentors for reminding me of the things I needed to be reminded of and the other 1/4- I'm thankful that you have confirmed that I am making the right decision.

d) I'm so psyched for this semester. It's all about school work, acceptance letters (i pray), good times, service, friends, and maybe a cutie or two. or ten. hehehe

okay I'm going to sleep. Gotta be up early to finish painting :)

p.s. a month worth of happy founders' days to all my friends, mentors, and family members in DST, APA, O/S/P, SGR, PBS, ZPB, and AKA. I love all yal crazy tweeting people!

Do As I Say Not As I Do?

There are times when I do things without thinking them through. Mostly because my mind is working a million miles an hour on several different things and sometimes it just doesn't catch the body in time. And then I go into 100% type A mode evaluating why I did that and why I didn't go with my normal overthink before doing self.

This all leading up to the fact that I think I broke up with Rupert before I gave it much thought. And if my top secret reason for breaking up with him doesn't work out I'm going to feel like the biggest idiota ever.

Forever Forlorn Francesca

Lately with all of this black women will be alone and single forever news that's gotten all over the United States (pronounced internets) I've come to conclusion...

I'm ok with never being married.

Kinda ironic considering this a sex and relationship blog but I truly find so much joy in international economic development, working, talking to my friends, reading, being with my family, etc that I find relationships to be such a small part of everything. It's kind of weird because I like Terence a lot a lot and I liked Andy/Rupert a lot a lot and I don't worry about myself falling in the spectrum of "lawd chile she ain't NEVER gonna get married" because I think I have a lot going for me and I have never had an issue (sans Terrence) of getting serious with someone when the time was right. But if that happy day of being proposed to on Champs de Mars as we do a light brunch never comes I won't be jumping off the bridge. Sure I'd love to be that fabulous lawyer married to the love of her life but in the scheme of things it just simply is not that serious. Single mothers have been raising kids since the beginning of time and lawd knows getting pregnant isn't in danger of extinction.

So if you see me 10 years from now happily married pushing kid 1-4 around a stroller while my husband has 5-6 on his front and back I'm happy. And if you see me 10 years shaking hands with the President as I'm being sworn in as Ambassador to the United Nations or Secretary of State- I'm happy too.

Like Beyonce said...

I'm going to try to do this real civil like but I'm heated and the wounds are fresh but.... sigh.

Preface: I don't deny who I am. I never have. I'm cute but I'm no 10. My body isn't perfect but it's mine and it certainly does the job. I don't think that being pretty or having a banging body gives you special rights above everybody else. But neither does money. All of that just makes life easier but if you're horrid, burnt, and ugly on the inside eventually all that other ish fades away. I try to keep this in mind when I interact with people.

So Sugar Daddy aka C.Benji and I have an interesting relationship. We don't have sex, we do kiss despite my internal opposition at times, but we do spend time together when I'm in town. We dated for a few weeks until his true nature became clear and I decided that he was really just of friendship material. Nothing personal- he's just not the one for me and I don't see the point in wasting anybody's time when he's getting old er. So since I've been home this break we've done some hanging out, lunches, sleepovers, etc. but despite his subtle and not so subtle hinting we've left it at a step after platonic but a mile before anything else. So today he sent me a text complaining about how we don't hang out enough so I said I would stop by after I left my friend's event today so the convo went like this.

LittleMissSunshine: hey i'm on my way over

SugarDaddy: Oh- I'm headed to the bar with my boys- i thought you weren't coming in til 2.

LMS: Yeah it ended early but that's cool. I'm just going to head home and I'll call you in the morning.

SD: Why in the morning? Why not just come over when I leave? I'll call you on my way home

LMS: Umm no. By the time I park my car and get in the house I'm not going to want to get up, dig my car out, and drive up north. You can pick me up when you get done.

SD: **sighs** you just live so far (sidebar: I live right outside of Hyde Park)... and the boys want to get wasted tonight so I'll probably cab it home anyway.

LMS: Ok. No issue. We'll just catch each other later.

SD: So you'd rather stay at home than to stop being little miss bougie and dig your car out of the snow. It really should not be that serious.

LMS: (getting quite annoyed)Well if I was a guy with a shovel perhaps not, but it took me 30 minutes to get my car out earlier and I'm not doing it again if I go home. So you can just enjoy wrapping your arms around a pillow for tonight and I'll see you tomorrow.

SD: ha! you think if you don't come I won't have another bitch over? you kill me with this self important shit. you always want to act much prettier than you actually are.

LMS: ** quiet** well... I guess you can enjoy bitch #2

SD: you really kill me. trust and believe you'll call me before I call you. you're going to need me before I need you.

LMS: ** hangs up phone**

you've gotta be kidding me. I'm 23 with a bright future ahead of me, you're 31 and still single with no sight of a woman falling in love with you for who you are not what you have. I don't need you. The only person I need are my parents. I may have wanted a guy but I have never needed a guy and most certainly if I'm going to pick one to need you don't even come close. Boy sit down.

Not an All-Star quite yet...

My teaaaaaaam...

I promised that I would introduce you to the group that I call my team so without further adieu

Terence- My Point Guard.

He's the MVP of my squad. The person who if I lost due to injury (probably caused by me), illness (my friend Jeremy would also agree probably caused by me), or retirement I'd probably be most crushed by. He's been around the longest on the team and seems to hold some special somewhere deep down inside my loins . The issue with him is that I have no clue where the future will take us- if it will take us anywhere further than deleted numbers, ignored fb chats, and blocked aim screen names. We'll see- he might be benched- permanently.

*Yes I know Mike is SG not a PG...

Barack- My Shooting Guard.

He's the one that has my girls fired up. He's the one that everyone is watching to see where things go from here. We went to high school together and I thought he was so cute, smart, and funny and of course going places. This fact confirmed by him being hailed by the New York Times as the next Barack Obama.. and let's be serious- what Michelle isn't looking for her Barack? We've kept in touch sparingly but I saw him a few weeks ago at a party and it was like it never stopped. Occupying my time, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close so we could talk, slow dancing. It got me teased mercilessly by my girls for being boo'd up in the club but it kind of reminded me what being with a gentleman felt like. Anyhoo we keep in contact a lot more now and have plans to get together quiet soon. Woots.

Cliff Huxtable- The Power Forward.

He's sexy, he's going to be a doctor, he's sexy, he's social, he's sexy, he's giving- did I mention he's sexy? Geeze Louise he's sexy. And Little Miss Sunshine girlfriend approved in 14 states, Europe, and Asia. He also is going to med school next year in Chicago (+++++) so naturally we'd be the Cliff and Claire of Chicago. Nothing sounds better than that to me. We have a lot of mutual friends and hung out a while back but it wasn't until he spotted me the other day on the expressway and made major moves to get my attention that I remembered him (shame on me for forgetting something that fine).... Then while I remembered his face I couldn't grasp his name. I tried to have my friend do the fake switch (i.e. hey this is my friend Amanda, Amanda this is [have boy insert name here]...) but another mutual friend saved us as I snatched her aside to get his name. Now all is good in la la land and um lunch tomorrow- most certainly!

Rupert - Small Forward

I couldn't sleep right if I didn't include the most significant ex that I've had as part of the team. He'll always be there for me and I for him but seeing as he's playing overseas most of the time he doesn't get top billing. Our history is long (4.5+ years at this point) and complicated (rosetta stone was easier to figure out) but for now it's just not the time and I often question if the timing will ever be suitable to all parties involved. But we still talk nearly daily and we sent each other x-mas gifts (which everyone who knows what they were say they were both too personal) and I still count him amongst the greats :)

Georgetown- The Center

He's not really tall but Georgetown will tell you he's the tallest of them all. I named him Georgetown because I met him where else? Georgetown in DC. He's incredibly smart and incredibly arrogant (me like me like) and a total man whore but there's just something about him that keeps him on the roster. It's kinda like cookies- you know you shouldn't but they are just so damn irresistible. We'll keep an eye on this one but it's certainly not a high priority.

Of course I keep a few benched players... most of them are actual prospects but more like good times. KA- an old/current hookup, 10- a cute, smart, youngin, "Peter,Peter" - hehehe good fun, and of course my Sugar Daddy- he told me to call him that one day out of anger but just to annoy him I'm keeping it permanently.

I'm going to tone it down and become a one player coach soon but until that happens- play on. play on.

From the Duke Perspective...

My bestest friend in the entire world wrote this on her blog last night and I think it's perfect....

The current line up includes: Terence (Point Guard), Barack (Shooting Guard), Cliff Huxtable (Power Forward), Rupert (Small Forward) and Georgetown (Center). I'll explain more in tomorrows post but just to keep your lips wet :)

Just leave it alone mah fren...

One of the biggest things that scares me about a relationship (especially in this day and age) is being disrespected. I'm not talking about the leaving the seat up and rolling your eyes when/if I complain- disrespect. I'm talking about the not respecting what I do for and who I am to you disrespect. I have a friend in a situation with a boyfriend she does EVERYTHING for. I mean more than I can contemplate doing for someone who hasn't put a ring on yet. And how does he treat her selfless acts? Like they don't matter. And maybe they don't to him- but I certainly know he'd be on the extra long struggle bus sans a back right wheel if she didn't do half the stuff she does. He has all types of girls texting him, he hangs out with ex bang buddies, and he seductively dances with women in front of my friends face. All within a seven day period.

I just don't get it.

Why do people (yes people) get into relationships if they don't plan on respecting their partners? If you want to have the ability to sleep with multiple girls why not be single and live the "playa playa" lifestyle. What is about dating someone and treating that person wrong that makes individuals feel good about themselves? It would hurt me to know that I'm hurting someone I care about... I just wish we were all built this way.

Bottom line: If you can't be committed- don't get in it.

New Year- Same Shit?

So in the spirit of blogging trending topics I'm going to set a few romance related resolutions...

1) I'm going to acknowledge AND deal with feelings when they pop up. I'm notorious for ignoring feelings until they are clawing at my larynx trying to escape. So I'm going to try to say (respectfully) what I feel when I feel it.

2) Accept that cuddling is a part of a romantic life. A good portion of guys and girls like to cuddle and like to use it as more than a way to get the sexy times started.... I have to learn that cuddling is ok and people don't die from it. No matter how awkward it is.

3)Go with the flow. If there was a list of Little Miss Sunshine's problems in her romantic life- overanalyzing, being anal, harping on details, planning- would be all bundled up into the number one issue. I'm going to try and relax and just let life happen. Life doesn't always need a plan for everything and love seems to be one of these things.

4) Stop telling people why I am not a relationship person. That's self explanatory.

i can't think of five but i'm pretty sure it exist... we'll see how well this work but I know me and urrrrrm... #2 might be the only one that makes it.