Just keep swimming...

Anytime I just stop and sit still- even if only for a moment my heart hits the floor and I'm flooded with bottomness. Yes bottomness. I just think to myself about how everything I do and everything I am just means nothing. I don't even know what validation looks like anymore. I just feel like it doesn't exists. So many things come along when I'm allowed to be quiet and just with myself. It such a horrible, bottom falling out feeling that I keep moving. I sing Beyonce, I watch tv, I read a book. Anything- anything at all not to be alone with my own thoughts. It's almost like my worse enemy right now is myself.

I wrote on a piece of paper yesterday "one day it will all make sense- just keep swimming".... hopefully I'm right.