Easy Like Sunday Morning...

No I.D., My Mentor- Now Let The Story Begin...

Well everybodys talking like i'm crazy
Dangerous and lazy girl with no soul
But i've seen it all from where i'm hiding
Baby cause i'm sliding, out of control

- No Good Advice, Girls Aloud

I'm the oldest child and the smartest child but I can surely use the guidance of others. In steps my friendly knight in white armor - Chris. Without going through too much of our history I had a crush on him it never occurred and when we both moved to D.C. we ran into each and began hanging out- platonically of course! He is one of the greats in life and he manages to be able to give great advice from career to love... the latter being why I called him over today. We get together occasionally when one of us has a particular need and we just talk it out over a bottle of wine and some delicious dinner. Usually his cooking unless it's tacos- that's my speciality!

Today I called an emergency meeting because I just wasn't feeling the way my life was headed... It just seemed like mistake after mistake, bad judgement after bad judgement. Men, boys, and everything in between. I was blurring the lines of friendships like they were drawn with watercolor pencils and falling into my paintings, I was just dropping into a dark pit of doubt, self hatred, and recklessness and try as I might there just appeared to be no escape. I needed him.

After spending nearly 45 minutes spilling out every single ounce of what's occurred since I left DC in May, he simply looked at me and laughed. Albeit not the answer I was hoping for- something more along the lines of pobrecita or oh mon pauvre bébé- but I was intrigued. He said he was laughing because it was something so simple that he's sure I had thought of it and dismissed it because I'm always looking for a difficult answer to my problem. The simple answer (according to him) is that I'm lashing out from a relationship ending that I haven't dealt with and I'm looking for the quick fix to my problem of being alone. Often times this void is filled with intimate choices and more likely than not these choices of intimacy neither fill the void (necessitating more intimacy) nor serve as anything more than a temporary high.

In my friend I finally found the acceptance that I had been seeking from him albeit not in a way that was lasting or meaningful. In others I found someone(s) who wanted me as much as I wanted them- if only temporary... and I was doing it as way of reflecting back the mistakes of my past relationship. In my last relationship I was accused of not caring, of not showing affection, and I think that lately I've be going about trying to silently change/fix what my ex had said about me- but in the wrong way. Chris suggested that I just take it a step back and focus on myself and not be so "thirsty" to be a we until I can figure out how to be a strong me. He also suggested that I give guys who truly deserved my attention a try which means I should probably stop trying to push away "J." Advice I truly needed to hear and advice I truly need to take in...

Title courtesy of Kanye West "Big Brother"

Late Nights...

I remember in the summer of 2008 sitting around campus talking to a group of guys one and two classes behind me where the conversation had turned to women.... These guys were some of what I would say lil romeos around the quad and had been through their share of women so I decided that listening to this conversation would be worthwhile. Women on our campus where divided into three groups: the don't wants, the don't needs, and the gotta haves. Don't wants were characterized as unattractive women or the occasional too crazy to bang chick, the gotta haves were women that men fantasized about but nobody or very few of them had seemed to obtain and the don't needs were women who were called after hours to relieve some type of pleasure block. They weren't women who the guys considered "wifey" material. I was curious however besides the obvious "don't wants" what was it that made a woman fall into don't needs and gotta haves.

The difference between a don't need and a gotta have, as they simply broke it down, was that a don't need takes no effort to bring the pants down and chances are if she has no respect for herself to not even make you chase after it she's not the type of girl you need. A gotta have has that "Je ne sais quoi," that something that makes a guy want her and work hard for her with the potential of keeping her. She was a diamond amongst a stack of charcoal bricks and coal.

Most importantly to me however was where I stood... a "gotta have" they all responded resolutely. "You ooze sex" one youngin' noted "but you don't give it up... at least I haven't heard you have." All summer (and honestly to this day) it's something I remember verbatim because it made me wonder if this is how someone people see me is this how everybody sees me?

I'm going to go with no.

And how do I know this sans statistical analysis and voting poll? Well I figure it occurs when the guys in my life send me texts and bbms at 11pm wanting to know what exactly it is that I'm doing. A more naive ray of sunshine would of been glad for the attention from the object(s) of my affection but this lil orb of light and smiles knows better. Guys will text a girl during those hours because they are booty call hours. Doesn't matter if he has had a taste of the rainbow or not.... he considers you booty call material. A "don't need." I've been wondering what the best method is to getting out of this is and the only conclusion I've come up with is that you just need to drop those kind of people. For the single looking lady the best decision is to keep company with men who only gotta have you because everyone else just isn't worth it....

Title courtesy of Jamie's Elsewhere "Late Nights"

The List

Oh Oprah, how thee increases my knowledge of the world with your hour long informative segments! Most recently you brought in Steve Harvey to discuss his book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man" and although my friends (and exes) will argue that I already have this down pact I decided to watch anyway. Mr. Harvey mentioned that too often women compile this list of "wants" that includes things they do not have, such as the rather robust woman wanting a physically fit millionaire (who you plopped in the front row for the world to see). I have never actually sat down with a pen in hand to think about this so called "list" but now that Steve has set out some very rudimentary guidelines I'd like to explore this lil woo-ha. 

The Queen of Hearts presents her list fit for the King (in no order):

1. He must be attractive.

Little Miss Sunshine figures herself to be an attractive lady (straying away from the mistakes some women make by receiving confirmation of this fact) and thus requires that her Mr. be of equal or better standing.

2. He must be at a bare minimum college educated. Higher degrees receive extra points. 

LMS is currently toiling away on a Master's Degree with the intention on applying to Law School in the fall. LMS does not think that her Mr. would be able to identify/keep up with the conversation (or remembering the good 'ol college days) if the Mr. has a high school degree. We will leave Mama and Papa Sunshine out of this but I can just imagine their faces upon introduction. No bueno.

3. He must live an active lifestyle.

LMS is not a supermodel... she is your average american woman but she likes a good dose of exercise. She likes running (no more than 5 miles at a time please), dancing ballet, and playing tennis. A Mr. who is not interested in doing anything but eating twinkies and "lifting weights" will displease LMS and lead to a very unhappy divorce (with pre-nup please)!

4. He must be motivated.

LMS wants the world. LMS wants to see the world. LMS can do it by herself sure but she would like the Mr. to be able to do it right alongside her. That being said LMS is requesting that her perfectly suited partner is a man with a plan. Now he does not need to have means as LMS isn't not living the Lifestyles of the Rich of Famous but she has goals to do it real big and she needs a Mr. who both supports these goals and has his own. And no... having a rap album does not qualify as goals in the Kingdom of Hearts.

5.  He must be worldy.

Tied into #4, LMS wants a Mr. who knows about more than just what occurs in his backyard and his country. LMS needs a mate who not only knows what's going on in other parts of the world but also wants to see this places first hand. LMS loves to travel and eventually wants to live in London so her Mr. must also be down with the game plan.

6. He must be intelligent.

LMS understands that everyone who went college is not intelligent and cannot hold a proper conversation. While this may be great for some other ladies, LMS insists that her Mr. be well equipped to converse in many circles on many topics.

7. He must be adventurous. 

The nicer things in life make LMS happy... but so do camping, hiking, picnics, movies in the park, and bungee jumping. Dinner is fine but it need not be a regular occurrence. LMS wants someone who isn't afraid to think out of the box and isn't afraid to participate in the wacky things that LMS might suggest. Because trust, odd things do come to the mind of the Queen.

8. He must be into children.

LMS suspects that she is rather fertile and if she is not she is into the Yoruba ways of becoming that way. A Mr. who cannot see himself as the family man or even as a responsible human being for other human beings can drink bleach. 

9. He must be chocked full of humor.

LMS is weird. She accepts it. She is also very sarcastic. This too she is accepting of. The Perfect Mr. gets LMS odd and often off color humor and loves her even more because of it. 

10. He must be passionate.

LMS has a love for things: ballet, reading, time management games (don't judge!), spending time with her family, loving her friends.... the Mr. must also have a love for SOMETHING. It could really be anything but something that makes the Mr. happy. For when the Mr. is happy- LMS is happy as well.

11. He must be God Fearing.

Probably the most important of the list. He doesn't need to be catholic like LMS but a regular church going man with a healthy fear of what it means to break the covenant placed before God is tres importante. No God no go.  

12. He must want Little Miss Sunshine as much as Little Miss Sunshine wants him.

LMS has been in a relationship with guys who liked her more than she like them and in relationships with guys who she liked more than they liked her. Neither was a good look and so LMS prefers not to repeat.

13. He must have the appropriate emotional maturity.

LMS has spent some time recently around an individual who has no clue what it means to be an adult. This has made LMS a little less sunny as she cannot fathom someone who is out of college and still has the mindset of a 18 year old. To LMS this behavior is not okay in a friend and she certainly cannot tolerate it for a life partner. 

14. NSFW: His bedroom game must be to complete satisfaction.

Self explanatory. He need not be on the A+ game EVERY time but showing a B- average will get the Mr. a one way train out of the Kingdom.... The Queen of Hearts doesn't deal in the bousch-caca.

15. He must be a cook.

LMS has finally failed the Steve Harvey test. LMS would not get in to Le Cordon Bleu or even some sketchy television advertised cooking school. LMS is a royal eff-up in the kitchen but in order for her children not to starve it is important that the Mr. can at least cook up chicken nuggets and macaroni. It's for the kids... for the kids.

I'm not quite sure how people manage to make these list with a hundred qualifications because I'm sure that it takes time and lots of dating. Lots of dating that I haven't had the chance to do in these 22 years on earth. I'm sure the list will be refined and refinished as I explore the different men that life has to offer but as of now this is what I can think of... 

Where's The Benefit Exactly?

So the other day I was talking to a good guy friend of mine who was surprised to find out that my 3+ year friends with benefits (FwB) relationship really didn't have any friendship to it. It was kinda impossible, as he saw it, to have a real FwB if one part was missing but my history has shown that there is either one or the other to the situation- there is no both. Why? you may ask... because if you had both you'd have a relationship. 

I know I know... call me wrong, shoot angry messages to me, whatever but it's the truth. If I had a man that I could have amazing off the chain sex with and yet still be able to sit down, hang out, talk, go out in public with, etc. I would most certainly be trying to figure out how to get him down with the team. In my view the reason someone sticks with the title FwB is because there is just something off with all of that keeps it from being a relationship. Either your partner could never qualify as a true friend you'd regularly chill out with and share secrets with or they are simply someone who has the adequate sex game but nothing really sparks off in the bedroom. 

Now I'm not downing the friends with benefits relationship..I think if done right (sans the jealousy or the feelings that can pop up... all the correct conversations held before and after) the friends with benefits relationship can be a wonderful thing... a little pick me up in between relationships. At the same time though it's really let's just call a spade a spade... often there is no friendship with a benefit or there is no benefit with a friendship. 

Allow me to re-introduce myself...

I'd love to come onto blogspot and say I'm some genius with the pen but alas I'm just... me.

Little Miss Sunshine to be exact, although nothing is probably further from the truth. I've been blogging for a while on a social networking site but my good friend over at www.j-full.com (shameless plug) has kind of encouraged me to go legit. I live my life in complete sarcasm and smiles and while I repeat the same mistakes over and over (and over and over) I do hope that I will eventually find a way to move forward... live, love life, proceed, progress right? I'm sure I could post more about myself and how awesomely fantastic I am but I guess the blog will do the talking for itself.

besos.

Title courtesy of Jay-Z "Public Service Announcement"