Basically.

Him.I.Want.

mentally.physically.emotionally.

Eyes closed

He was always my back up. My number 2.
I didn't know it but I suspect he did. Every time we sat down and I had to fight to let the words "i like you" flow freely from my mouth I'd watch him. Watch him stare at me knowing the routine was going to be the same. I'd say how I felt. He'd watch me and we'd both slide back into a world without words. Saying yes with our lips and holding full conversations with tongues. It was easier like this you know? Easier to let our bodies melt over bringing up the same issues time and time again and finally resolving them.

The resolution meant the end to us.

Although he was my plan B- and I didn't know it- I just knew that I couldn't lose him. That even as words begged to be released between the gasping breaths of air we were taking that one word too many and we were done. We couldn't face what it would mean to know the truth. For the illusion to shatter. Or was it just me? Every time he looked at me it was like he could see something in me that I couldn't. A skill I was lacking and a truth that he was protecting me from.

Now that I know that he comes second and every other man comes first what do I say? How do I explain that every moment when I was let down it was him that came to mind. That during the happy moments he was no where to be found, but on the way down the ladder he was right there to sweep me off my feet.


Even now. With him as my alternative... I'd rather keep my eyes closed than lose him.

Something New

I have never been a patient child. I was blessed with a lot but the ability to just sit by and let things pan out was never in the cards for me. This of course is a blessing in many aspects of my life- my career being one. This is also a wrecking ball for relationships.

This goes doubly when you consider that I like him. I really do like him. The smile he puts on my face. How things remind him of me. Our complete and utter randomness. I want to be me and put it out there. I want to push all of these societal regulations to the side and say how I just want to spend a friday wrapped up in his arms.

But apparently this isn't how things work. This makes me look silly and if you know anything else about me besides my lack of patience- I have a low tolerance for being made out to be a fool. So I sit here and twiddle my thumbs in hope that I'll learn a new skill this week.  That being a little less now-me will have a great effect on future-me. That he'll get the courage up to say what I'm thinking.

Cheers to patience.

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams...

I love a crush as much as I hate a crush.


Half of me likes the game and the figuring everything out. How excited you get about witty banter, and disguised text. The other half of me is like oh ALRIGHT already!

Then a realized the part of me excited to move forward is the part of me that lies in my skirt.

I'm really trying to think with my heart and not with my head or my loins but dammit- those two are aggressive little personalities and my poor heart sits in the corner like a kid who just ate paste.

I guess we're all just little works in progress huh?

I can't date you- you blog too much.

Blogging- it's the new forum for shit talking.

You can say anything you want on a page whether it be true or not and your readers will follow you for the ride. Of course it's more therapeutic if you tell the truth- but I'm talking about those his story, her story, and the truth type blogs.

Not all dating is upfront.You get to know each other- figure out where you fall on the "I like you scale"- and if both sides agree, well you move on from there. Those moments however when you're gauging each other and sending texts/bbms and calling each other you have to be careful with how strong you come on.

You really have to be careful when the object of your affection is a blogger. And a popular one.

You begin to worry that you aren't witty enough- and it will become a blog topic. Or that you talk too much- and it will become a blog topic. Or that something about you irks him/her the wrong way - and you become a blog topic. We won't even go into what occurs when you date and if you break up. Yeesh.

So I'm curious- people who write really successful blogs...do they not date their readers or do they not tell new people that they blog. Are we better off not knowing what inspirations we have in the cybersphere? Nothing sucks more than a 1,000 people commenting on a situation and that situation is named y-o-u.

when life hands you lemons...

When bar review is cancelled what do you do?

a) drink wine.

and

b) sing little raps from tv shows:

Donde, está, la biblioteca.
 Me llamo T-Bone La araña discoteca.
 Discoteca, muñeca, La biblioteca 
Está en bigotes grandes, el perro, manteca. 
Manteca, bigotes, gigante, pequeño
 la cabeza es nieve, cerveza es bueno. 
Buenos Dias, me gusta papas frías, 
los bigotes de la cabra Es Cameron Diaz.