Little Boxes Made of Ticky Tacky

  So I just calmed myself out of panic attack that came from nothing (as most of them do) and I was thinking about when I have them most. You'd think that would be when they involved school or work and you'd be correct. I have them deepest though when I start thinking about emotions.

I'm not an emotional person (she says again) I like my logic first. So in a relationship or situation I never have problems speaking my mind in that I will tell you exactly what I think but rarely will I tell you how I feel. Thinking (in the personal setting)  has essentially turned into does this mess with my education or career? AKA are you taking up too much time with your drama, needs, etc. So my thinking response is that. My feelings on a subject? I don't know. I'm like Dumbledore in Harry Potter only instead of putting thoughts into my pensieve I put in emotions. So in my head I've imagined a series of little small black boxes. Each with a different emotions about a person, interaction, relationship.

So how does this work in the panic mode? Every once in a while I'll have to go in search of a feeling or someone will trigger me and not only will that box spring open but they will all open up. Like dead souls rising to take back revenge in my mind and I can feel it. My chest tightens up and my heart beat quickens and I'm just running around inside myself trying to close up boxes and stuff emotions back in them.

Emotions- wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.