So I tried out for trial team at school.... Part 1

So I tried out for trial team at school...


Let me preface this short tale by saying that when I applied to law school I decided that I would be CBEO (courtroom by emergency only). I think that what occurs on Law&Order is cool and all but it's just not where my heart is.

So I tried out for trial team at school...

I know however that apparently making a team is a great honor bestowed. It makes you look kinda cool and sets you apart from other students who look just like you. I thought Moot Court was my style til I figured out it involved writing and well- I hate legal writing. So then I thought well this will be cool to try. And well let's admit it- I'm an asshole and all the people on tv are assholes. Plus- we have an AWESOME courtroom at school I wanted to argue in it.

So I tried out for trial team at school...

Well... first a learned what tryouts consisted of. A big packet of information that we had to boil down into an opening and closing. Now what exactly is an opening and closing? Hell if I know. I'm a first year.... I just grasped the term "tortfeasor" without cracking up. So they shove us into a room where I'm surrounded by my friends and classmates. All us eager 1Ls willing to see if we've got the stuff to be big mean courtroom attorneys. They give us details on what an opening and closing should look like. Tell us how to stand and send us on our little happy way. Now some of my friends quickly decided that this was entirely too much and not what they wanted and dropped rank. Oh but not me.

**blank**

We both have things to do.... I push my casebook to the side so he can get a better view of my face.

We both remark how awesome that summer was. How it started out so cordial. So full of expected niceties. How it all changed with a kiss on a crowded tube. How we couldn't get away from each other. He's talking and I'm thinking. Thinking about the way he smells, and how his arms feel. The little brown mole right below his wrist. His smile....

Santorini. I snap back.

White buildings, blue skies that kiss the ocean. Feet kicked up over the Aegean sampling fava and grape leaves... enjoying glasses of wine as the sun goes down. Running through the narrow streets of Thira, climbing to the heavens at Imerorvigli and dancing the night away on the cliffs at Oia.

This is the us that I try not to forget. The reminder that great love does exists. But try too hard and this is all I remember. I don't remember standing in the rain watching his car leave the airport. I don't remember words said that never deserved to cross the threshold of my brain. I certainly don't remember looking at each other with hate.

Sometimes I just wish we were back to that moment at Picadilly... surrounded by hundreds and only seeing each other. If only we could stay there forever.

The Musings of a Self-Absorbed 1L: Part Five

How to succeed in law school....


a) don't go. seriously... stop studying for the LSAT. Stop writing your essay. Just turn around and do something else. You wanna help people? Build fucking huts in Namibia. Want to make money? Become a porn star / socialite. This route is not the yellow brick road to anything.

b) if it's too late for (a), be certain to drop out before the tuition needs to be returned. That percentage drops quickly so you must move fast. Don't waste time trying to make a decision- that is what all the other people in law school will do. And they will not succeed.

c) ultimately you were foolish and didn't do (a). Then you refused to listen to me about (b)- or perhaps you just stumbled upon this in November... or second semester. Either way- (c) is for everyone. Use these precious three years to impress upon your classmates your usefulness as a womb, child rearer, chef, and housekeeper. When you have located a classmate who seems as though he (she) will be able to provide you with a lifestyle that meets your needs... hone in. Hone in homey and find a way to exchange rings. Of course if you are male you will have to overcome the stigma of the stay-at-home-dad but this is your full career now.... you will find a way.

Just in case you missed it...

I'm a ball of confusedness. Constantly confuddled.


I seriously don't mind not dating or being in a relationship until I'm older. I stick by my not before 30 rule for marriage. But geeeeeze I cannot stand finding a guy I think could be right for me (or at least great to get to know at minimum) and not being able to make it work. Meanwhile I'm pigeon holed at school with absolutely no choices and nobody to flirt with (which I love to do)... and I'm afraid of course that if I do find someone to flirt with who has a good personality (but not so much my type of guy) that I'll send him the wrong message.

Oh wait I did that.

Sigh... only 940+ days right?

frustration at it's greatest

I just am no good at getting at a guy.
No good at reading signals so I would just rather just sit back and hope things fall into my lap. But we both know that ain't happening.

I've been hoping that this guy I'm feeling will speak up or give me flashing neon signs. But that ain't happenin.
I've gotten lucky and unlucky in like. I don't have an issue finding a guy to like me. My last two exes were great guys who weren't afraid to said what they wanted but it wasn't the right time for me. I went to law school hoping that I'd start a fresh and yet... I've been nothing short of disappointed. The guys interested in me- I'm not interested in. The guys I'm interested in? Well they don't exist there.

And I'm frustrated. I just want someone. Someone to talk to. Someone to trust. Someone to hug. Someone to visit. I just sigh... I'm losing it.

Drunken Nights

Our best conversations come after a few shots of "bartender only knows"... before the night ends and people start pairing off we have these discussions. I should probably put quotations around it because it's more like a bunch of folks yelling their ideas at other folks. But if you're quiet and listen you'll catch some interesting tidbits of information.

Today's topic involved "how do you know when a woman is interested?" Well.. that's a good question. I personally think it's situational. Am I trying to get your attention in a bar? Are friends and I'm trying to take it further or do I simply see you around the way for a quick chat every now and a then? It's just a question that I always think I can answer until the time comes for me to do it. How would I indicate to the cutie in my class that I'm interested? Or the guy I bbm with? How about a friend? I just don't know. I've tried to think of ways to do it that clearly say... HEY YOU- YEAH I'M OVER HERE- PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!! but it never comes out so clearly that way. Perhaps their should be a way of indicating perhaps both sexes should clearly come out and say hey- i like you.

The Musings of a Self-Absorbed 1L: Part Four

1. Memos suck. They suck hard like vacuum cleaners. They mostly suck because of bluebooking. And let me tell you- you thought citing your papers in undergrad/high school sucked. Try figuring out what initials are appropriate for each state. Oh you thought it was IL? Naw playa it's Ill. Make sure the period has the right spaces -_-

2. Boys suck harder. Thought he was cute, he thought I was cute. We promised to talk and then BAM... find out around the way he has a "girl." Now apparently girl is code for a whole shit basket of things but I'm not trying to be a part of any of it.

3. My BBM is awesome. Every time I'm sad I look to my friends on BBM and let them cheer me up. I get ones that range from how rude I can be to my friend's relationship drama. I swear friends are the greatest resource you can have.

4. The treadmill and I have a love hate relationship. I always get on there with big dreams of running a 5k and the maximum I've been hitting is 2.5k this week-but hey bad exercise is better than no exercise right?

5. I'd also like to point out that my relationship with wardrobe has improved. I'm literally fitting into a smaller clothes that I thought I'd never wear. Kinda makes me happy.

ok I lied it REALLY makes me happy.

6. Finally this weekend is fall break. It has many meanings. One: going to home to chicago. Two: Seeing my mommy and my friends. Three: It's time to officially start outlining for december exams.  Four: Trial team tryouts are only a couple of weeks away. Oh yes shit hits the fan. You thought I was MIA here before.... check me out November 1st. I've already been hitting up lululemon and vs pink to make sure I look good in the library.

I mean it would be nice to come out with that JD/MRS dual-degree.

Outtie 5000...

mi dun. mi dun. mi dun. 

I'm tired of being proactive. I got shit to do. I'm turning reactive. 

... but just riddle me this- you got a girl but you tryna kick it? Did you think I wouldn't find out? smh. smh. smh.