The Musings of a Self-Absorbed 1L: Part Three

1.  One does not need an undergraduate education for law school. In fact- it's a hinderance. Let me tell you why. Everything you learned in undergrad does not apply in law school. Flushing out papers? Nope. Making logical sense? nah. Even words change you. You thought you knew what "defense" meant right? hahahaha. oh silly you.

2. I've identified several celebrities in my class. Newman from Seinfeld. The Numa Numa guy. And Sambo.

3. So the way seating worked in my 3 classes were the place you sat your 1st/2nd day of class became your permanent seating. So I'm relatively happy about my decisions minus crim. In crim I sit next to an exchange student who finds it necessary to ask me every class about what was said in class... first two times it was cool. We're headed into class 8 now -_-

4. There's a girl in my class who has picked up some administrative role in my class so she thinks she's queen of the class. Despite the fact that most people make fun of her/ find her annoying. Today she tried to be a smart-ass in countering my argument and the teacher shut.her.down. Wiped that little annoying smirk off of her face.

5. There's another girl with an annoying smirk who I consistently want to smack.  But she hangs out all alone during break times so I won't. I'm sure she's just coping with the fact that she has no friends :(

6. I haven't stuck to a schedule since day 1. I swear I'm going to do better. But at least I'm ahead right?

7. My teacher called me elle woods. in front of the whole class. as susie said: legally ginger? lol

in case you were curious....

Did you know you can be medicated for omniomania?

Do you know what omniomania is?

A shopping addiction.

----insert blank stare here----

someone suggested it to my mother. Lord help us all if I can't shop anymore.

On my mind....

I hear the name or I see a photo...anything. Anything that takes me back to the nights spent wrapped up, and the smells and sights engulfing me. It makes my heart beat. Everything about London makes my heart beat right out of my chest.

It's like my soul is pulling me towards the city. That the city will not only compliment me but complete me. That's the one I've been waiting my whole life for. The only time I felt this way was as a kid sitting in my dad's lap and playing with my moms hands. I just felt that I belonged there. That's how I feel about London. I just feel like that is where I belong.

And one day. Just one day I'll be walking down basil street and I'll spy him. The man who makes my heart beat just as fast as this city does. I swear I can hardly wait.

to be self motivated.

I've always wanted to be successful- I've always been competitive. Even when I didn't want to work hard- I hated knowing that there were others doing better than I was. I say all this to say that my passion to do well has always inspired me to work- but never to work hard enough.

I've gotten at this crux in my life when everything is not just for games. High school- a game. Undergrad- a bit more serious but still a game. My masters? checkers. But now here I am in law school. This is it. Every move I make here is important. Every hour in my life just decides what 1,000 hours of my future looks like. I have to realize that until I take to heart the seriousness of what I'm doing here that I will fail. Yes, fail.

I've been fortunate. I've been so ridiculously fortunate that at times I realize that I have forgotten that I can't coast forever. Now my friends will tell you that my version of coasting is different from everybody else's but you know what? If i'm not at my best- I'm at my worst. Now that another birthday has rolled around and I'm creeping closer to 25- I have to remember what I want to do in life. The impact that I want to make. I don't just want to be rich or wealthy. I don't want to be famous. I want to make a change in this world. I sat around and studied my behind off for the LSAT so that I could start making steps towards where I belong. My law mentor very smartly told me that every time I want to take a breath or feel like I can't go on- I should remember why I'm in law school. Why I worked hard to get here. That statement has been such a push for me that I wrote it down on the top of every page of my journal but today I heard something that made me realize that as much as I want to live, eat, and dream those words- I'm just not there yet.

"until you want to be successful as much as you want to breathe- you will never be successful"

bam. I want it. I want it bad. But do I want it as much as I want to breathe? In the video, Sean talks about how when you have an asthma attack the only thing you think of is being able to breathe again (having had multiple attacks- he's certainly right)... Sean argues- that's how you should be with your success. When you are on your path the only thing you should be thinking about is what you're doing. Not partying, not romance, not tv... what is ahead of you. I'm not sure that I'm 100% convinced that you have to forego everything to eventually have it all I do remain in scheme with the thought. If I want to make a difference- I have to focus a lot more on what I'm doing now. On how important what I want to do is... how it's not just for me.

Looks like I've found a new project for me and God....

que torreja....

heck.to.the.yes.

Good thing New York loves me.

The Musings of a Self-Absorbed 1L: Part Two

1. Busy is the word. Run, Read, Class, Read, Run, Sleep. <--- add tweeting and food in there and I swear you have my schedule. One good thing? I am never bored.

2. I broke with up with the boyfriend. I could sit here and list a million and one reasons but truth of the matter is that I was looking for an escape since the moment I said yes, I'll be your girlfriend. I think he is an amazing guy. I loved our time together and I think it was great because we had no expectations past the summer. Or rather- I had no expectations so I ignored any signs he was showing. As usual I becoming emotionless elmira and realize that I'm trapped and want out. It's not fair to say that I always get claustrophobic in relationships- but if I get in them to make you happy.... it's going to be a problem. I've got to stop doing that! Anyhoo- we both realize that if we were to do the relationship we need less stressful life roles. Either I need to go back to my old job or he needs to become a houseboyfriend. Since neither is happening any time soon- ciao.

3. As to my **ahem** emo-ness this week. My bad yo. Sometimes I get caught off guard by people and you get to hear about it. Consider it a privilege. Caught off guard and drunk are often my clearest moments. Which I will later deny if ever asked.

4. Eff the socratic method. If you call on me once and I have the answer- MOVE ON. I swear I'm lucky I'm cute cuz today would have been awkward.

5. Although my 2nd bff getting married this week is a little unsettling- there are some FINE dark skin men in the 2L and 3L classes. Oh how old habits die hard :)

....

I hate the way I feel when I see you.
I hate the way we interact with each other.
I hate how I have to make sure everything I do relays the exact same message to you that I'm thinking.
I hate everything about us.

I just wish I didn't love to regret you.

Life ain't no crystal stair....

There's a girl in my legal skills section who is just plain annoying. I don't mean in that law school gunner (spent all night studying) annoying- I mean the I'm too good to be here with you peasants annoying.  She constantly looks bored, I overheard her on the phone today talking about how she needed a computer in order to have something else to do. Sigh. We get it- you are some super genius who Harvard just so accidently forgot off their acceptance list. But let's be honest- your first year of law school is basically the same ANYWHERE you go. There are 6 subjects you must know: torts, criminal, civil procedure, property, contracts, and constitutional law. Some schools will mix it up on you- but essentially you aren't very special  as a 1L. Let's also be frank- 6,532 people applied for 183 spots in this class. If you don't want to be here I'm pretty sure that someone from Washington & Lee would gladly take your spot - relieving the other 15 people in our class. So let's suck it up and don't ruin my orientation- k?

*******
Enough of ranting... I was reading an amazing post by my friend over at the 25 Project on praying to God but realizing the limitations of you as man. I was reminded how me ending up at my law school was the definition of asking the right questions and having faith in the answer you receive. Here was my response:

The entire time I was applying to law school I kept praying that God would get me into the law school I wanted to be at. I was talking to my ex about the situation and how I was really hoping that God would present me with the opportunity to go where I wanted and he said: why don't you ask God to put you where you need to be? I didn't get into the place that I wanted but I ended up with an offer I couldn't resist at a place where it seems (for now) I'm actually blessed to be. 


And that ladies and gentlemen is the reminder I'm holding with me this year. Especially as I'm burying my head in a 4 page case brief during orientation week.

To summarize my first day....

"Every day includes much more non-being than being. This is always so. One walks, eats, sees things, deals with what has to be done; the broken vacuum cleaner; ordering dinner; washing; cooking dinner. When it is a bad day the proportion of non-being is much larger."- Virginia Woolf




I was late. Twice. I've got homework I don't feel like doing. A gym I don't feel like going to. A hunger pain. Welcome to Monday. 

The Musings of a Self-Absorbed 1L: Part One

1. When we were young orientation meant getting to know other people, playing those stupid "3 things about me games," and getting wasted (or was that just me?)... Now apparently this week-long orientation involves writing memos, case briefing, interviewing "clients," and a shit ton of reading. Law School... I hate you.

2. This also involves some type of business dress as we will take pictures that will be given to "prospective employers." Law outfits are stuffy (see Law & Order), I hate blazers, I will protest. Also it's 1,790 degrees outside, in the shade, under an air conditioner. -_-

3. I have no bed. I have no friggin bed. I'm sleeping on a pallet. I will not complain though because I have 800 channels on my television.

4. My 3L mentor is intent on making sure that I become a law school drop-out. More about her and her high levels of peer pressure later.


gute nacht menschen.