They Call Me Mellow Yellow

I went from Angry Black Woman yesterday to Senorita Emo today...

I've come to figure that I am at war with myself for my feelings for Terence. The part of me that's over all of this back and forth nothingness is full of deep seething disgust at the part of me that's still holding on for God only knows what (fear? stubbornness? hope?helplessness?)... and its' tearing me up inside. I won't go in so far as to say I'm anal (for I have met people truly deserving of that title) but I'm quite annoying when it comes to how I like for things to be put together, fronts united, decisions made, and plans finalized. I know better. I know I know better. I know that I would never allow any other guy to treat me this way and I have in fact deleted others for less but I just can't seem to shake him. So now I'm laying about feeling stupid for caring about someone who can't make up his mind or takes fun in torturing me (in which case Karma PLEASE catch up to him). It was so funny today that as I was driving back from class and thinking about it that a song came on that said EXACTLY what I was feeling inside. I love the way the world works sometime.

Oh, this was a [...] phenomenon no one could explain

And I wish I could press reset and feel that feeling again

I sit and press rewind and watch us every night

Wanna pause it, but I can't make it stay

..........

No need to call my phone 'cause I changed my number today

And matter fact, I think I'm moving away

Sorry, the frustration's got me feeling awake

And I just keep having one last thing to say

And I just wanna hold you, touch you, feel you, be near you

I miss you baby baby baby

I'm tire of trynna fake through but there's nothing I can do

Boy I can't wait to hate you

I can't wait to hate you, make you pain like I do

Still can't shake you off

I can't wait to break through these emotional changes

Seems like such a lost cause.

I can't wait to face you, break you down so low

There's no place left to go

I can't wait to hate you

I can't wait to hate you

Cause right now I need you

I can't wait to let you go

- H.A.T.E.U Mariah Carey