For the most part I've always treated guys as temporary objects to fulfill a certain need (food, orgasm, company, etc), and most of my friends would say I probably still do but what's the issue with that? I mean I get that there will be a long term issue that will arrive when I decide to settle down and all of the "good men" that I've used and tossed away like an old hankie don't wanna be bothered or are already married (at the rate my classmates are moving-sheeesh)but until then- what's the harm? Why can't guys be like buses?
Anyhoo I digress as this post was about ME. I think that the biggest issue I have when it comes to love is a) Hard Shell b)Man-ADD c) "pseudo" only child syndrome.
So from the top... My first significant relationship involved a guy I fell head over heels for and it worked until he went to college and well- distance didn't make his heart grow fonder. So to get through the pain of being hurt by him I just decided that I was gonna become a hard shell and just use guys when necessary and move on. So now that I've grown up and began these so called adult relationships a big part of me just doesn't believe that I can give my heart to a guy and not have it jumped on. So I don't even really try anymore.
The progression of my hard shell kinda made me look at guys differently and now I can't really focus. I'll like this guy for a week or two (maybe even a month if he gets lucky) but then I'm just kinda looking for something else or someone else does something that catches my eye. It makes me feel kind of bad cuz there are some genuine guys who deserve a longer look but I just can't do it. I find something wrong about the guy and I harp on it til I've gotta find someone new. I'm working on it- k?
Finally- I'm not an only child. In fact I'm the oldest of 4. But I'm at least four years older from my next sibling and as kids he'd rather play with my sister (who is 2 years younger than him) so I spent a lot of time alone as a child. In plain letters: I like being alone. I don't like cuddling (ok ok with some guys), and I really don't like sleeping with other people. In fact for the longest time (up until about 6 months ago in fact) I believed that my perfect marriage involved separate bedrooms or at least the 1950's "let's push the beds together to bang" situation. I thought my weekend boyfriend was a genius idea because it allowed me to be with someone and then take my space when it was over and gear up before our next rendez-vous. As much as I'd like to think that as I grow and errr mature that'll change I'm thinking nah.
Why you ask?
Cuz dick is only dick and I get it when I need it.
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