So I when I first started to have some inkling of feelings for my friend I would have these cutesy little dreams of us hanging out and kissing which amplified the thoughts I was struggling with in the day time. I realized perhaps it was real- I liked him for real for real and my head was confirming the fact.
Then as the time went forward and I tried to get my friend out of my head (and OH how I tried) my dreams just upped the ante with these UBER emotional dreams of cuddling, and dancing at a wedding (we were attendees not bride and groom)... and I woke up really happy til the reality of life slapped me in the face.
Finally I picked up the resolve to realize that our friendship was greater than any interest I might of had/have. Many thanks to a good friend who helped me see that I'm just too finicky (or as another great friend put it 'coquettish') to attempt to pursue a relationship that could turn out long-term- because I'm just not a long-term gal. Truth be told I never saw us in my dreams as long term. It all kinda just faded out after law school.
I think it's because I'm really just not long-term right now. I'm in companionship 101 mode and being selfish and as a good friend to him I know that's not what he needs and for me to even say something like that would be rude, inconsiderate, and down right not friend like. So I spent the last week spacing myself from him in order to get my mind right and do what was good for him and us and not just me.
So I had my first dream about him yesterday during my nap and it was a sex dream! I jumped up and down cuz it was amazing (the dream was good too hehee) because I think I've decided that I was just looking for someone to cuddle, kiss, and spend time with and I just kinda blurred the roles with him because he fulfilled some (if not all) of the requirements here and there.
It's interesting to me the way dreams can pull out realizations.
No comments:
Post a Comment