Let's get this out of the way

I really need to be outlining for my exam this weekend but I can't seem to make it happen because I can't stop focusing... on a cupcake. Well that's his nickname.

To give you all the details would be to take you back through 3 months of tit for tat. Happy for happy. Mad for Mad. Sad for sad. A lot of confusion and bad communication and really good sex. Sorry. But if I had to write a letter- i'd call it "let's get this out of the way"

Cupcake,

Now here I sit, in the library. Knees folded into my chest, blinking back tears. Lost and confused. Over-analyzing, over promising, under delivering. I hate you. I hate the situation. Mostly I hate myself for liking you and putting myself into this situation.

I know who I am. I know how I am. I know that I want rules and surety. I don't care what we do as long as we BOTH know that's what we're doing. If we're pausing on a sexlationship for you to get your shit together- fine. If we're pausing on an actual relationship for you to get your shit together- fine. If we're just friends- that's fine too. But let's call a spade a spade. Let's get this out of the way.

I want definition, i want boundaries, i want a clue please. But I'm not pushing him. I'm not commenting. I'm sitting here in the library. Knees folded into my chest, blinking back tears. When you sit down across from me and you flash that smile of yours I'll smile back. I'll be funny. I'll flip my hair. Inside though I'm screaming. I'm screaming for you to kiss me, to touch me, to tell me how beautiful you find me. I'm screaming for you to tell me who I am to you. Until you decide to do that... I'm sitting here in the library. Knees folded into my chest, blinking back tears. Let's get this out of the way.

Me.