My friend and the psychic...

So I was talking to my friend Aubs over the weekend about how I like being single right now. It suits my lifestyle, selfishness, and time schedule. I just could really use a body in bed sometimes- not like that. I will admit to enjoying a good cuddle every 6 months or so. Anyhoo- she suggested that what I needed was in fact was to find the right guy who I'd wanna take from part-time to full time position.

ummm si se dices pero....

I like being single! Why is it that people find it so hard to believe a woman wants to be single? I don't wanna call it a double standard but sometimes psychology beats biology my friends!

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In totally partially related news Aubs and I went to do some fooling around with a psychic the other day (what can I say we were traveling through Georgetown and she was doing readings for $5) and she zeroed in on my love life (personally i'd rather talk about my finances - or lack of) saying that my next boyfriend was already in my life and I was just ignoring it (okay lady thanks for the specifics). As soon as I thought that she gave them to me and said that I was so busy giving all the reasons that it wouldn't work that I ignored the reasons why it could. That could be interesting IF I wasn't fine being me, myself, and I right now.

Maybe I'll see her the next time I get finnicky and want a boo- I'll let her point him out.

Squad Up!!

If I never say anything else about my guy friends let me just note...

Every girl needs a good guy friend (or an A-team as I call J, Dre, and Chris) who just tells it to her straight no sugar coating. And every guy needs a good girl to tell him when he's just being someone ruled by his lower half. I appreciate my team because I can take any and everything to them and get exactly what it is that I need to hear and not just what I want (not saying my girls do this but guys tend lack errr tact). So today I send a message out to my team (cuz I know you three read it) and say thanks for being you. Even during the times when I wanna...

Let the Spirt(s) move ya...

Pussy's only Pussy and I get when I need it...

Yeah I know Drake said it about women but I'm going to say it about men. For the most part I will admit to treating men like dick (or tongue rather) and not like human beings. I go back and forth more than a windshield wiper in a storm. I like him today, I don't like him tomorrow... I think my bff and I use to call it Man-ADD back in college. I just CANNOT focus these days- my mind has a short memory span and those closest to it get the attention.

For the most part I've always treated guys as temporary objects to fulfill a certain need (food, orgasm, company, etc), and most of my friends would say I probably still do but what's the issue with that? I mean I get that there will be a long term issue that will arrive when I decide to settle down and all of the "good men" that I've used and tossed away like an old hankie don't wanna be bothered or are already married (at the rate my classmates are moving-sheeesh)but until then- what's the harm? Why can't guys be like buses?

Anyhoo I digress as this post was about ME. I think that the biggest issue I have when it comes to love is a) Hard Shell b)Man-ADD c) "pseudo" only child syndrome.

So from the top... My first significant relationship involved a guy I fell head over heels for and it worked until he went to college and well- distance didn't make his heart grow fonder. So to get through the pain of being hurt by him I just decided that I was gonna become a hard shell and just use guys when necessary and move on. So now that I've grown up and began these so called adult relationships a big part of me just doesn't believe that I can give my heart to a guy and not have it jumped on. So I don't even really try anymore.

The progression of my hard shell kinda made me look at guys differently and now I can't really focus. I'll like this guy for a week or two (maybe even a month if he gets lucky) but then I'm just kinda looking for something else or someone else does something that catches my eye. It makes me feel kind of bad cuz there are some genuine guys who deserve a longer look but I just can't do it. I find something wrong about the guy and I harp on it til I've gotta find someone new. I'm working on it- k?

Finally- I'm not an only child. In fact I'm the oldest of 4. But I'm at least four years older from my next sibling and as kids he'd rather play with my sister (who is 2 years younger than him) so I spent a lot of time alone as a child. In plain letters: I like being alone. I don't like cuddling (ok ok with some guys), and I really don't like sleeping with other people. In fact for the longest time (up until about 6 months ago in fact) I believed that my perfect marriage involved separate bedrooms or at least the 1950's "let's push the beds together to bang" situation. I thought my weekend boyfriend was a genius idea because it allowed me to be with someone and then take my space when it was over and gear up before our next rendez-vous. As much as I'd like to think that as I grow and errr mature that'll change I'm thinking nah.

Why you ask?

Cuz dick is only dick and I get it when I need it.

Dream a little dream for me..

My friends will tell you about the early morning texts/BBMs/IMs they get from me about my latest dreams. Now I might check my horoscope at the end of the day, and I've done the tarot thing once or twice (or so), but I do believe in dreams. I mean how hard is it to believe that your mind deals with things that your conscience won't deal with in the day? Anyhoo I digress...

So I when I first started to have some inkling of feelings for my friend I would have these cutesy little dreams of us hanging out and kissing which amplified the thoughts I was struggling with in the day time. I realized perhaps it was real- I liked him for real for real and my head was confirming the fact.

Then as the time went forward and I tried to get my friend out of my head (and OH how I tried) my dreams just upped the ante with these UBER emotional dreams of cuddling, and dancing at a wedding (we were attendees not bride and groom)... and I woke up really happy til the reality of life slapped me in the face.

Finally I picked up the resolve to realize that our friendship was greater than any interest I might of had/have. Many thanks to a good friend who helped me see that I'm just too finicky (or as another great friend put it 'coquettish') to attempt to pursue a relationship that could turn out long-term- because I'm just not a long-term gal. Truth be told I never saw us in my dreams as long term. It all kinda just faded out after law school.

I think it's because I'm really just not long-term right now. I'm in companionship 101 mode and being selfish and as a good friend to him I know that's not what he needs and for me to even say something like that would be rude, inconsiderate, and down right not friend like. So I spent the last week spacing myself from him in order to get my mind right and do what was good for him and us and not just me.

So I had my first dream about him yesterday during my nap and it was a sex dream! I jumped up and down cuz it was amazing (the dream was good too hehee) because I think I've decided that I was just looking for someone to cuddle, kiss, and spend time with and I just kinda blurred the roles with him because he fulfilled some (if not all) of the requirements here and there.

It's interesting to me the way dreams can pull out realizations.

I just call em as I see em...

My bff Andre just called me coquettish... for once i"m not offended because I think he might be right. More on that tomorrow... today is light-hearted.

The Audacity

"I should crack you right in your forehead...

Let me take a breath and regain my composure

Told you one more time if you f'd up it's over"

- "It's a Wrap" Mariah Carey

Now I'm not saying it's a trend or anything but if you let the male members of our species get away with something - they will continue to do it. Give em an inch and they will run a mile like Usain Bolt. I don't mean to stereotype because there are some very reputable young men working hard to clean the path that their fellow brethren have sullied- those just never seem to find their way into my dating history.

Last night I received a 3 part text message concerning the revelations of an ex(mumble*mumble) who realized that he had been treating me wrong for x amount of years and I'm a good person, smart, beautiful yada yada yada. That having seen me recently reminded himself of where he went wrong in the past and could we please find some time to hang out and talk.

** insert blank stare here**

I don't even know how to go about responding to this. At this point nearly 24 hours later I haven't still. Like what the hell? You think you can play the disappearing act- check in once in a while an think that suddenly because you've had an epiphany that I'm suppose to thank my lucky stars that you've decided I'm good for dating right now. GTFOH.

To make things worse guys like to act like this world isn't small enough already- just like how you've figured out when I start dating so that you can make your "check up text messages," I know about your failed attempts to get at her, her, and yes I even know about her. So please hunny save the second best- i choose you speech for somebody who has never met you before. And spread the word- women are on to you and your kind.