a woman's career....

Funny business, a woman's career - the things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted. And in the last analysis, nothing's any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed, and there he is. Without that, you're not a woman. You're something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you're not a woman. Slow curtain, the end.


- All About Eve

Law School Truism...

professor: let's say a circular saw explodes in my face, causing a fire in my garage, burning it to the ground, and i die. what am i entitled to?

student: you are entitled to....

professor: well i just fucking died, so i'm not entitled to jack shit. trick question.
---------------

"Westlaw and Lexis are like local drug dealers handing out free crack in schoolyards"
---------------
"Lawyers will never admit that they don't know anything….it's a reflex….it's not that they're arrogant, it's client management. You want the client to knows he came to the right place, that you are a wealth of legal knowledge that is going to figure out all of their problems. Even though in reality you have no clue."

basically.

Broken Promises

Said I'd never fall again.
Never like again.
Never play.

Took a year off from sex to keep men like you at bay and yet here you are.


I feel like I'm singing a damn stanza from "Nobody's Supposed To Be Here" only I'm singing some sad ass heartbreak song.


kill myself.

Exactly who is using who?

skype.

My locale for communication these days. abroad. sometimes lonely- mostly satisfied with listening to myself. evaluating, planning, remembering. walking through the darkened streets and singing my own version of adele. haunting lyrics of memories "you had my heart inside your hands." maybe a bit too much to drink but I just want to sing it. I need to let it out.

So here we sit on skype. face to face. she knows my soul and where to look for answers i swear i cant find. i tell her of my epiphany today. that i allowed myself to be used by him, and by him. by T and by K. that I expected the former but was still disappointed in the later. nearly a year later and still somewhere, somewhere not deep down inside I was holding onto the burning red spot on my face where he had smacked me. I was used. used. used.

"really?" she replied. "I was always confused there as to who was using who."


And once again the mirror shows all we cannot see alone. busy playing victim when I had my blame. kisses on the neck, on the belly, far below. kisses of pleasure and licks of desire. moans not aimed at each other but for ourselves. seeking relief from some pain caused by another that only a similar soul could understand. that's what we were- using each other. The sting from his emotional slap is still there on my face but now it's hard to distinguish which he is he. somewhere in the embrace the lines became blurry and the definition lost.

Boys suck.

Ugh.

Go Me!

I made moot court!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moot_court


So uh yeah- I've been quiet for a reason. Now it's time to deal with catching up on school work, and an unexpected valentine's. The second we shall revisit another the day.

Not a new year resolution but a new era....

So I realized that I wrote last time about getting towards a new years resolution but that's not exactly true... I'm turning 25 in August and while I'm satisfied with this quarter of my life I want the next quarter to start out even more banging so I've made some resolutions for myself to bring in 25 right.

1) Getting my weight down. I don't have a specific number but I just want to be in better shape at 25 than I ever was between the ages of 17-24. I don't want to get old and then worry about trying to work even harder to get my body back in shape. I'm young I'm going to use it.

2) Learning to cook. I don't mean boiling water (although I still don't have rice down without my rice cooker)... I mean I want to be able to make things from scratch. Healthy things that taste good and that I can make for dinner parties. I want to throw dinner parties with MY food.

3) Better with finances. I love to shop. If you've ever visited me at www.withlovefromdc.tumblr.com you know that I love a good pair of shoes (or dress or anything)... This year though I've decided that I want to buy a condo when I move to London instead of paying 3k/mo. for an apartment so that requires a deposit. I want to pay my own deposit so that of course means- save save save. That's right. Cutting down to 2 pairs of shoes a month and putting the rest away from my Isle of Dogs fund. Woot.

4) Stop being afraid of relationships. I can't describe why closeness makes my skin crawl but it's not normal and I don't want to be alone for the next quarter of my life. I make up excuses to reject guys (a: he has a gap b: haven't you talked to him a million times and you never noticed the gap? a: I have. but now that I know it's there I can't UNSEE it.)... this time around- I'm not rejecting good because it's not perfect. I'm going to stick with I can't ask for what I'm not giving and see how that treats me.


So that's it.... here's to a new era.